R2 Infinite P4 Day ?

July 15, 2010

On the HCG front:  got it, double checked my supplies, I have everything I need for the first two weeks at least.  I will need to order some inconsequential supplies, but that’s fine.  I’m debating on whether to start this weekend – I really really really want to though, and the only reason I’m debating delaying by a couple of weeks is that my oldest son is coming home for a week towards the end of July!  YAAAAYYYY!!  I finally get to see him, he’s so far from home.  In years past he’s come home for the summer break but I got “The Call” this year where he told me he was staying in Nashville to work for the summer :-\  I had mixed feelings about that – I’m very proud of him, but I miss him very, very much.  I know while he’s here there will be much cooking and restaurant going.  I’ll decide in the next day whether to go ahead and start anyway or wait – but it’s likely that I will just start.  I’m ready.

On the KO front, it’s better today.  We had lunch.  He was sweet.  I didn’t bring up anything earth shattering, just tried to keep it a light, cheerful lunch, and I was glad to see him.  He asked me out for Saturday.  That was good.  I can’t say that I’m back where I was with my heart fully exposed but it’s a step in the right direction.  I may be a little wary for now, but that’s ok.  Healthy even.  I’m not entirely happy with the way I was treated (which was not ok) but I can work with this.  During lunch the ball was in his court, and he seemed to handle it with care.

I’m still working slightly crazy hours and I’m ready for it to end.  I need a break people!  I wind up working even when I’m off, and this week (and this past weekend) I’ve worked after hours ALOT.  Such is life in IT.  But, all in all, I am making progress.  I think I wrote a month or so ago that work was going to be a huge challenge for me in the upcoming weeks.  Boy was that spot on.  It should get better soon.  Yay (that’s a small hopeful yay not an all caps YAY!! lol).

And oh!  Next Friday I got invited on a team outing  that’s not even my official team at work – I’m very happy about that!  Look up “perfect Friday” in my dictionary and it will say:  Go to Canyon Lake with awesome peeps; boat, jetski, listen to loud music, and just have a cussing good time!   

This girl needs to soak up some sunshine and fun, and that’s exactly what I plan to do. 

Wish you the best today xoxo


R2 Infinite P4 Day ?

July 13, 2010

Ok – my HCG is at the post office – I’ll be picking it up tomorrow.  Luckily one of my friends has a few supplies that I need to get me started – I need to order some vials and bacteriostatic water.  I’m not wasting any time.  My load days will be Sat/Sun and R3 Day 1 will be Monday.  Woo hoo!!  140’s here I come!!  I was never able to break the 150’s in my last round, so I’m looking forward to this one.  I’ll be a super skinny bitch, not just a skinny bitch!  And yes, there are some size 8’s in my closet that I’m looking forward to wearing.  But that’s where it stops.  Really.  Size 8 for my height is pretty darn small.  There was a time way back when (when I was teaching aerobics) that I was in the low 130’s and wearing a size 4.  But that’s just ridiculous (not to mention I had no boobs at the time, that’s just not cool at all).  My doc says I can lose another 20 pounds, and that’ s the final word.

Also have been thinking about KO, of course, and trying to figure things out as best I can.  The  way I see it, what is going on is likely to fall into one of the following categories.  I know there were a few things that ruffled his feathers this past week but honestly they seem mostly minor and I hardly understand how the incidents themselves could lead us here.  Color me stupid if I’m wrong. Yep.  Here goes my analytical mind again. 

1) He is completely in love with me and is completely freaked out by it.  He wants to get in touch with his feelings and is man enough to say so.  I respect that.

2) He is interested in someone else.  I don’t think this is it but I guess there is that possibility.  It’s happened to me before.

3) This is a break up on training wheels.  Meaning he wants to break up with me but doesn’t quite know how.

I choose option 1, just so you know.  I love him, and I want to make this work.  But the universe may have different plans for me.  Once again, time will tell.  I sure as hell can’t figure this out completely right now (notice how I tried) but surely I will figure this out completely as I go along.

R2 Infinite P4 Day ?

July 12, 2010

Random post, finally my peeps.  I’ve been caught up in the whirlwind of life lately.  So I thought I would do a post tonight and sum up where I’m at, and where I’m going.

Weight wise, I’m at 160, so I’m up 4 pounds.  I’m doing my best not to freak over that – but really that’s no so bad.  I have not been good lately (lately = the last 4 weeks or more).  So not too shabby.  I have HCG on way – it had to be reshipped because there was some major confusion at the post office and they returned the original shipment.  But ADC worked with me quite well, and the replacement order is on it’s way!  So round 3 will commence soon.  According to USPS tracking my shipment has made it out of US Customs.  Yay!  I will start posting daily again when Round 3 starts – and it’s likely that I will start posting more frequently before then, because, as most of you know, this blog is a form of therapy for me.

Which I’m in need of at the moment.  Yes, indeed. 

Man troubles?  Yes, indeed.  KO has been acting different for the last week or so and tonight I called him and just said “I know something is bothering you, I just don’t know what it is.  Please talk to me about it”.  So what it comes down to is he wants space.  At least now I know, it’s just unexpected, because everything was going so well, at least until the last week or so.  So I’m back-pedaling a bit, trying to regroup.  “Space” does not mean break up, by the way, it means “space”.  Mmmm ok.

Time will tell.  That’s what my Mama says. 

I was speaking to one of my friends tonight and she said I need quit devaluing myself (yes, there is an overall tendancy I have with this, and you already know this if you read my blog).   I know what I want – I want a long term, commited, monogamous relationship with a loving, respectful man.    However, I don’t want that so bad that I’ll create the illusion of it when it isn’t there.  I’m not saying that it WAS an illusion or anything, but things weren’t right for the last week or so, and I sure have my eyes wide open at this point.  I feel like my bubbles been burst 😦

For me, as a reminder, here are the reasons I am an incredible partner.  I actually feel weird writing this down, but I’m doing because my friend told me too.  Little did she know I would publish it to the world wide web.

1.  I am very loving and generous
2.  I have a great job and work my ass off
3.  I am an amazing cook, and cooking for me is an expression of love
4.  I am gorgeous and have a smoking hot body (or so I’ve been told)
5.  I am (close your eyes Matt) sexually adventurous and playful
6.  I’m freaking funny!
7.  I’m smart.  Most of the time.
8.  I’ve raised two amazing children
9.  I am close to my family and have had incredible role models
1o.  I have very strong morals and work ethics
11.  I have a kind heart and love to help people

I am, however,  not a perfect person.  I have many flaws.  I fix shit, in life and at work, so I have a tendancy to try to fix stuff a little too much maybe.  In my heart, I know what I need to do, as hard as it might be, and that is to just let things lie.

So let things lie I will.  I’ll be getting back into the gym, another form of therapy for me, so while things lie a bit –  my ass definitely won’t be.

Hugs and love, my peeps. xoxo

R2 Infinite P4 Day 64: -0

June 18, 2010

Today’s Weight: 157
**Adjusted LIW:  156.*, Unadjusted LIW 154.*
Today’s change: -0

Hug and love to my peeps 🙂 I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted…I wound up working quite a bit during my vacation (go figure) and have spent the entire week this week, being punished for being out of the office.  It *almost* wasn’t worth taking the vacation.  Almost, but not quite.  I had a wonderful week with KO.  The time we spent together just confirms how wonderful our bond is.  Truly wonderful.  I love him!

Work is absolutely insane right now – working crazy hours, crazy stressed out, trying to just stay afloat.  It’s going to be this way for probably a month.  If I can get through that month – things will be just fine.

I have been very lax about sticking to low carb – but check out my weight – it’s really ok!  I have been eating pretty much whatever I want for the last two weeks and have not had any weight issues (I’m not going to freak out over a pound, dontcha know).  That makes me happy.  I did realize last weekend, as I was trying on some old size 10 dresses, how much my body has changed.  The dresses fit (which I expected) everywhere but in the boob area – my boobs are freaking huge, even after losing all that weight – not that I’m complaining!  So even though I was in a size 10 four years ago my boobs were much smaller.  In my mind this confirms the theory that HCG makes you lose abnormal fat.  HCG FTW!

On a more somber note  – I did get a bit of bad news yesterday – my Aunt was diagnosed with cancer (my Mom’s sister).  Please add my aunt  and my family to your prayer lists.

Have a wonderful Friday xoxo!

R2 Infinite P4 Day 54: ?

June 8, 2010

Today’s Weight: ?
**Adjusted LIW:  156.*, Unadjusted LIW 154.*
Today’s change: ?

Still no scale – and still on vacation.  Wouldn’t you know TOM came LOL.  It was imminent.  So far I would have to say there’s not been much improvement in how I feel but I’ll keep taking my supplements anyway.  Yep, feeling pretty crappy today.  But still happy I’m on vacation, even if I do have work a bit.  Since this is K.O.’s birthday week I took him for his first mani/pedi yesterday.  He protested slightly, even though I kept reassuring him that real men DO get pedicures, and said a couple of times to me when we first arrived at the salon:  I’m gonna get you for this!  All of his protests soon dissipated, however, once he settled into the massage chair…and when the foot/hand massage began – mama mia he was one happy camper.

My food:  nothing for breakfast.  Okra, butter beans, zucchini with tomatoes, and mushroom artichoke soup for lunch.  Steak and chalupas for dinner.  Dessert was a movie with K.O.

Wishing you best losses today! xoxo

R2 Infinite P4 Day 52: ?

June 6, 2010

Today’s Weight: ?
**Adjusted LIW:  156.*, Unadjusted LIW 154.*
Today’s change: ?

Sitting here on this beautiful Sunday morning – looking out the window – contemplating my life and where I’m going.  Yes, deep thoughts on this gorgeous day.  One thing that’s been in the back of my mind for a while – even before I lost all the weight – is that my children are almost grown.  One at college (who is staying in Nashville to work this summer instead of coming home) and one who’s about to graduate from high school.  I have made all of my decisons for the past 21 years for my children – of course!  But how does one make the transition from full time parenthood to part time parenthood, and then to realizing that your children are grown, and self sufficient?  Part of it happens gradually of course.  For me, my kiddos started the separation process at around 15 years of age.  They became more focused on friends and activities that didn’t necessarily involve me.  This is natural and expected of course, but honestly it was a difficult transition for me to make.  I love my children more than life itself, and as a single mother everything I did was wrapped around them, and for them.  At some point I realized that I had to start doing things for myself, to start building a life that didn’t solely revolve around my children. I keep saying “children” but they’re practically grown ass men, as they frequently remind me.  And at 17 and 21 they are practically right!

Anyway, all of this contemplating the last few years is part of what led me to start my HCG journey.  At least part of what I needed to do in order to be happy with myself and my life, separate from my children, required losing the weight and increasing my confidence.   And increasing my confidence was an absolute requirement, not only for self survival but for my desire to find a good man – a dream that I could speak to and call my own.

I’ve been through some challenging situations this year, since I started dating (but when  are men not challenging, right?).  But all in all, everything happens for a reason.  I learned the lessons that the universe intended me to learn. I’ve made solid decisions.  I’ve listened to my gut instinct.  And after all of it – I met K.O. – and he’s an amazing, incredible, loving man.  He’s my Charlie Brown (and yes, I’m the little red headed girl that would jump to give Charlie Brown a chance).

So my heart and mind are full with the potential that lies ahead, and I’m just enjoying this incredible love, so unexpected but so appreciated.  The spell has been cast. 

On the food front, I’ve not been so good, and I have no idea where I’m at since I’m not around my scale.  I’m not so worried about it though.  I actually had pancakes and bacon for breakfast (I’ve not had pancakes in 7 months).  I’m definitely feeling the sugar too, LOL).  Wheee!!!  Caffeine!  Sugar!  Wind me up and watch me GOOOOO!

Have a blessed Sunday, much love to you and yours!

R2 Infinite P4 Day 50: -0

June 4, 2010

Today’s Weight: 157
**Adjusted LIW:  156.*, Unadjusted LIW 154.*
Today’s change: -0

Happy Friday!!  Woo hoo!!  I have much to accomplish today at work, in preparation for being on vacation next week.  I *know* I will wind up working some, but I’m going to do everything I can to minimize it.  Wish me luck with that!!

My power was restored sometime in the wee hours of the morning – there was no way I was going to stay at my house again with no power so I stayed at K.O.’s.  Lights!  Air conditioning!  Bliss!  I also was able to finish the laundry I started when the power went out.  The only negative thing at this point is I have lost everything in my fridge (freezer stuff should be ok).  And I had ALOT of stuff in my fridge.  Oh well.  It’s going to be clean, and empty.  Completely empty.  Kind of like my brain today.

My food:  chilaquilles for breakfast.  Vietnamese vermicelli dish for lunch (bun – YUM!!  One of my favorites).  Eggs, chicken sausage, and grits for dinner.

Wishing you the best Friday possible! xoxo